Does This Velong To You?

So we’re at the beach. It’s nice. It’s hot. Hubby and I decide it would be a nice way to spend the day.

I make myself comfy on the blanket and lay back to catch some rays.

"I’m going in for a swim. Wanna come along," he asks.

"No thanks. Maybe later," I respond.

Ten minutes later. I sit up to pour some lotion on my body. I look into the ocean and see the beloved.

Oh, how sweet, he’s waving! I wave back. He waves some more. I wave again. Boy, he’s really far. Thank God he’s a good swimmer!

He continues waving to me to come in. Very animatedly, I might add.

No thanks, I wave back and lay back down.

Twenty minutes later, "Does this velong to you?"

I shield my eyes against the glaring sun and see a very tall, very thick lifeguard woman standing next to my towel carrying my water-drenched husband. The accent tells me she's German; her demeanor tells me she's no joke. She's manhandling my husband who at this moment is all flustered and wants to be put down.

"Okay, okay, you can put me down now. I'm fine," he says. He’s embarrassed. I’m embarrassed. Dude!

"What happened," I ask.

"I got a cramp."

"Yes. He got a cramp in the water. Are you all right now?" She bends down and asks him very gently-like like he's a small child. Well, compared to her, he is a small child.

I see my husband wanting to burrow himself in the sand away from inquisitive eyes trying to preserve what little dignity he has left, "Yes, yes, I’m alright."

"Alright-y, then," she says, all the while rubbing his arm like he's about to cry. And I think he wanted to too....just from embarrassment alone.

I nudge him and whisper to him, "You wanna say thank you to the nice lady?" I know this will probably piss him off a little more but, seriously, this whole beach scene is too funny.

"Eh, thank you, thank you. That's never happened before and I'm very lucky you were here to uh...to uh...rescue me. I can't thank you enough." I thank her as well.

"You very velcome and this is my job," she responds curtly and walks away.

I notice his face is red and not from the sun.

"Dude, she carried you all the way here. How embarrassing," I say.

"Rebecca, this is not funny. I could’ve drown!"

"Oh, please. There’s like a million people here! Stop being such a girl. You weren’t gonna drown. And, on her watch? Hardly! I mean, look at her!" I know my husband. He was not the least bit concerned about drowning because the man is as cool as a cucumber plus a very strong swimmer. Panic never set in - that human reaction doesn't seem to affect the men in his family, they're all like that. No, this was about being carried on the beach by a woman who wouldn't put him down; this was about ego.

"I kept telling her to put me down and she wouldn’t!"

"Babe, seriously? She doesn’t strike me as the type to take orders from a man. Especially one that she needed to go in and save. She was just doing her job, relax. Let it go! You're fine!" Then, "are you fine?"

He was now more flustered than ever, "yes, I'm fine! But it’s embarrassing Rebecca, everybody was looking! I could've walked here, there was no reason for her to carry me!"

"Oh, nobody noticed. Really." I didn’t want to tell him the group of girls behind him were pointing and laughing.

"Why didn’t you come help me," he asks with a little more edge to his voice.

"First of all, I'm not that strong a swimmer and you're asking me to come help? Seriously? We would've both drowned for sure then. And, secondly, how did I know you needed help anyway?"

"Because I was calling you to come in Rebecca!"

"Oh, is that what that was? And here I thought you were just being nice. Silly me! Oh, well. Sorry. But you’re fine! So, what's with all the drama? So the very big lady saved you. So what? You know, not many men can say that."

"Rebecca, this isn't funny. She wouldn’t put me down! She had to carry me all the way here? For God's sake, what's wrong with her?"

"My goodness! You got saved, Dude, focus on that!"

"I was fine! I told her I was fine! Why couldn't she just put me down?"

"I don't know, why don't you go ask her?" He wasn't amused. Then, "Alright, alright, this isn't funny, I'm sorry....but dude, seriously? That was embarrassing. Everybody was looking at you." I couldn't contain my laughter anymore....finally, he broke down and laughed as well.