“You’re going to love it,” he had said.
The truth was she wasn’t going to love it because she hated anything that took her out of her comfort zone and hiking and camping were her top two. This, because in the middle of some drunken-inspired promise made on New Year's Eve they vowed to each other that this year they would take two vacations - one to her place of choice and one to his - thereby ending once and for all the disagreeable conversations that always ensued in trying to decide where to go because each wanted to do something different. Hers were invariably more fun and relaxing because it involved unlimited consumption of liquor served by hunky topless men in some faraway island where you lazed all day and danced to calypso music at night while imbibing on some more of the island's favorite giggle-juice. His, on the other hand, usually meant hiking, kayaking or anything that entailed physical exertion and a fair amount of discomfort. In retrospect divorcing him would have been less painful.
If this was not a clear sign from the universe for her stop drinking. Because of that stupid promise, here she was sitting on a fallen tree in the middle of nowhere, waiting for Paul Bunyan to return from his search of twigs and branches for the fire they were supposed to start for dinner. Except that was two hours ago and dusk was now falling. Forget trying to venture out to try finding him. Nope. Never. She wasn't equipped with an internal GPS and if she could easily get lost in her own town, and wandering about trying to find him here was complete lunacy. And she was getting hungry but didn't even know how to begin building a fire or start descaling that damn fish he caught in the river; no, she was a city girl born and bred but he had completely disregarded that little nugget of information that she might be unable to effectively or sanely cope in the wild and thus, just to put the icing on the cake cause it was his choice and she had no say, he decided they'd not only hike but rely on nature to provide their daily food. She heard a noise and jerked around.
"Thank God you're back! I was beginning to think..."
There was no one there. Was her mind playing tricks on her now?
She ran into the tent and zipped it up. Please God, pretty please, whatever that is out there, please make it go away! She was scared but fuming and already deducted the nut job had been killed by some Godforsaken bear or something like it but right now couldn't give two beans because if he was alive, and that was big IF, it was inconsequential; when he was found, she herself was going to end his life for putting her through all this shit.
God she was stressed but all she could think about was eating a nice, juicy steak cause her stomach was rumbling a 7.5. The goodies in her bag, the very goodies she sneaked behind his back because a domesticated creature like her could never go wild, would barely make a dent. She had to figure something out and she had to figure it out quick. If she could only remember how to get back to the main road but these woods were like a jigsaw puzzle, a rock here, a tree there, none looking particularly unusual or familiar; they all looked the same and finding her way back was going to be a definite challenge. She should have left a trail. But a trail of what? Argh!!
Hey, didn't Edward Cullen and his freaky, albino clan like hang out in the woods or something? Maybe one of them would come and save her. Right now, she gladly give her neck and live in perpetuity with those ashen freaks if it meant they’d get her out of these woods.
"Hello Edward? Anyone? Help." Her voice faltered as the last ray of light settled in for the night.
And in the background, a rustle of leaves....