Thursday, April 9, 2009

A Horse By Any Other Name

So I’m at 7-11 on a bright, beautiful morning last week, being a good citizen and doing my share in stimulating the economy by buying my morning cup of jo'.

I’m at the checkout counter paying for my purchase and an elderly man, very elderly man, comes in line behind me.

"Nice earrings,"
he says. He had a warm smile and looked like the type that could talk to anyone without a problem.

Hm, that’s a strange comment coming from a man. Methinks anyway. I smile back and thank him. How cute is he?

"So you like southwestern jewelry,"
he asks.

"Yeah, I do."

"Those earrings are really nice. Stunning. Did you buy them here in New York or Arizona or some place like that?"

Wow! Friendly, little bugger, isn't he?
"Nope. Right here in New York! Macy’s, as a matter of fact."

he seems astounded. "Wow! I thought you bought them at X store in X town that specializes in that kind of stuff."

"Nope. Macy’s!" Dummy me humors his conversation. "I didn’t know they had a southwestern store in X town?"

"Oh yeah," and he goes ahead and gives me the name of store and the street it’s on.

Hm? Pretty informative little man. How nice is he?

"Yeah," he continues, "You, know, I’m a southwestern type of guy myself."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah, I got horses and all."

"Oh, how wonderful! I love horses! They’re such beautiful creatures." Can you say woman without a clue?

"Well," he says, seizing his opportunity, "do you want to play hooky and come with me and ride my horse?"

The 7-11 guy gives him a dirty look and seems disgusted by him. Methinks he just didn't like him.

"Oh, no, thanks. I have to go to work," I smile and walk away.

"Okay, well, maybe next time!"

Yeah. I laugh. How cute.

I get to work and tell the ladies I believe a little old man was flirting with me and heard the best pick-up line ever. But, "this is the best I can do?" A couple of decades younger, I wouldn't have minded, but one-foot-in-the-grave old? *sigh* I'm still cute, what's going on here?!

I tell my husband later on that night.

"He’s not cute, Rebecca. He’s a little pervert. I don’t think you understood the meaning of the word horse."

I was shocked. Fifty years old and I still don’t know what the day of the week it is. It was all a ploy and I hadn't a clue. This is just too sad for words.

But, hey, on the upside, at least this one was walking upright and without a walker. That’s a step up from a few years ago when a son was pimping his decrepit old father at the parking lot of Macy's onto me. He could barely walk (he was on a walker) and could barely breathe (he was on an oxygen tank) but was hitting on me. Seriously, dude? Seriously? *sigh* My life's over.

Picture, courtesy of Deviant Art.


Jay said...

That's funny. I never heard the "horse" line. I thought the old guys favored the "candy" (as in "want some candy?") line.

Of course, my wife's favorte pick up line from me is "I'll go ahead and do the dishes." Women ruin all our fun.

meno said...

He has horses, as in plural?


ThomG said...

Boy, I needed a laugh today and you've provided it. Fun stuff.

Cormac Brown said...

Maybe if he said "would like to see my etchings?" instead, it would've been clear from the start.

Also, the 7-11 cashier might have been glaring at him because that might have been the fourth or fifth time he ran that line. Mind you, I'm not commenting on your age or looks (I'm ancient myself and my wife is the same age as you), I'm just guessing from my experience with a friend and as a former cashier that "Grampa Smooth" plays the opposed to a sincere and genuine effort.

Beth said...

I wonder how old you (we) have to be to finally clue in to those lines? Wonder how many (good!) opportunities we've missed? ;)

Genie Sea said...

I see a pattern here... Macy's is the source of much of your woes! :)

Tumblewords: said...

Laughing - this is a good short story - full of mirth and timelessness.

Leni Qinan said...

Rebecca, you really made me laugh. I didn't know that meaning of the word 'horse', but reading your story I picked it, lol.
Jeez... you don't know how many things I'm learning with you, lol.

Anyway, your answer was real cool. I bet he didnt' expect it!

((Some years ago I had a bf who had a similar surrealistic accidental encounter with a prostitute in Madrid. She asked him if he would like to hire her services. He just turned and answered: 'I'm sorry but I have to study' (he was a medicine student at the time -now Dr Whatever-))

So being formal and polite, I guess this is the answer. LOL.


CathM said...

Lots of chuckles! It'd probably have gone way over my head too... naive that I am (ha!)

Ann (bunnygirl) said...

Honestly, trying to pick someone up at the 7-11? Poor guy. That line must not be working very well.

The Real Mother Hen said...

Haha this is so funny! :)

Meno is right, he has Horses, plural, haha, damn I can't stop laughing now.

Well having older men hitting on you sure beats teens hitting on you :)

rebecca said...

JAY: Want some candy, huh? I'm afraid whatever candy he was selling couldn't have been that good any longer!

MENO: Yeah, apparently the dude had a gift...LOL!

THOMG: Yeah, pretty funny, when you think about it. I tell you, you can't make this stuff up. Live long enough and you find that people are HYSTERICAL!

CORMAC: Yeah, I believe the 7-11 cashier already had heard that line more than enough times, hence, the look. So Grampa Smooth was playing the percentages....wonder if he ever got lucky with that line? Well, I'll give him an "A" for being tenacious!

BETH: You know, I'm 50 but, my mind, I suppose is not quick enough when it comes to stuff like this and I take people many times - especially elderly people - at face value and don't believe they could have an underlying agenda. My naivete is actually inexcusable for my age when you think about it! As far as having missed some good opportunities, well, can't say I'm crying over that....being married and all, sure kept me out of trouble! LOL!

GENIE: I believe you're right!!!!! =)

TUMBLEWORDS: Well, the little fella was full of mirth alright! That's why I didn't see it coming!

HOLA LENI! Who knew the meaning of the word 'horse?' Me neither. That went over my head but the Beloved picked up on it right away. And, the only reason I was being formal and polite was because I thought the little bugger was a cute, little innocent fella!! Yeah, right! ((abrazos))

CATHERINE: How are you love? It appears I am not alone in my naivete. Good to know!

ANN: Well, he was like 150 years old! His choices at that age are limited.

MAMA HEN!! An older man that's around my age, hey, I don't mind. This little man? This little man that looks like death is coming to claim him? No. As for younger boys - teens - hitting on me. Now, that's funny! No, seriously. I would break out laughing so hard thinking it was so adorable that I would end up damaging their egos!

Stephanie said...

eeeew... And its not because he's old. Just eeeew. First of all, I never would have known what kinda "horse" he was referring to either. But if I had, I would have clocked him. Well, maybe that's where the "old" part would have made a difference, but... Your husband is right, he was just a flat-out perve.

Judith Ellis said...

Love it! Too funny! Please remain open and not jaded. Miracles and wonderment happen then. What could a senior of his age really do? :-)

rebecca said...

Stephanie: On, no, after all is said and done, there is definitely a big eeww factor to it all. I guess they must figure that because they're old they can get away with it?

Judith: I will always remain open and unjaded! No problem there. I am who I am. And, what can he do, really? But the little ant has high hopes!

Judith Ellis said...

"And, what can he do, really? But the little ant has high hopes!:


Anonymous said...

LOL.I was right there with you...until he asked about riding his horse. But then again, who expects some 90 yo dude to be even able to think like that??!! See where Viagra's gotten us????

Rogue said...

Lord, ya slay me girl. Ya know the beaten down lol thing so common on the net? Well, you in fact had me laughing out loud.

rebecca said...

L'uragano: And did you know that Viagra, in its test stage, was actually a pill that was supposed to be geared for people with heart disease? And, lo and behold, well look at the side effect! Yeah, I think there's a certain bit of irony in that :-D

Rogue: Yeah, everything's pretty funny in hindsight, isn't it? :-D Who would've thought this little guy had the nerve? Live long enough and you find that EVERYONE's pretty funny! People, THEY slay me!

Lady Prism said...

ha! ha! ha! ha!

Thanks for making me laugh...
I needed it.


ps: I would have acted the very way you did hee! hee!

rebecca said...

Lady Prism: Isn't that a kicker?! Courageous little bugger, wasn't he?