Sunday, January 18, 2009

Happy 30th Amor

Today, the beloved and I make 30 years of marriage. It seems like only yesterday we married and were still young and full of love. Well, we're still young at heart; and, still, full of love.

I met the man when he was a mere boy of 17; I, a timid girl of 16. Two happy-go-lucky kids who fell in love in high school and found their idealistic spirits suited each other's quite well. We both were artistic and looked at the world somewhat differently than most; kindred spirits who had found each other and never wanted to let go. The scope of our courtship consisted of long conversations well into the night where we began to learn of each other. Summers laying on lawns or sneaking off to rooftops to gaze up at the sky and stars and moon and dreaming, dreaming of all of the good things to come, sometimes weaving stories and hypothetical situations and laughing at the places our minds would take us. It was an innocent kind of love - one that was already building a solid foundation.

We had our first disagreement a year and a half into the relationship - if you could call it that. What we fought about, I no longer remember. What I do remember is that it lasted a mere few minutes before we laughed and realized how ridiculous it was. After that, I can't remember when we fought next. Discord has never been part of our MO.

He came from a very, quiet household and was initiated into a raucous one where peace of mind never reigned. He was instantly besotted. With me and with my crazy family. Many of our dates consisted of outings with my nephews and nieces - then 4, 5, 6 - in tow, not because my mother requested it; but because he did. He loved kids and he liked the little devils because they were just that....little devils. He thought them amusing and cute and just loved having them around. So, my family loved him. Of course.

We married four years later and became parents at the very young and unprepared age of 21 and 22. We grew up with our daughter and prayed constantly that we wouldn't muck it up. And he assumed the role of husband, father and provider immediately and with much seriousness. It was not in him to fail in either of the roles. I, in turn, assumed the role of stay-at-home mom and took my role as mother and wife quite seriously as well. It was not in me to fail either. We had brought a child into this world and determined to be the best parents possible; ones that would always be there for her and never fail her. We both came from loving and attentive homes so we already had a good, successful blueprint on which to follow.

We've walked some pretty rough paths together as a couple but not due to anything brought upon by either of us; it was fate that decided to deal the unfortunate hands. There has been much pain and sorrow where our hearts have been shattered but we've overcome, each time relying on each other's love, support and strength to help us through. Years of crying and asking why; years of quiet conversations, introspections, analyzing and deconstructing; years of learning of our strengths and looking for the light; and, years of counting on each other has not been for naught. Because each crisis gifted the knowledge of how unbreakable our bond was.

As the man who shares my life, he has had to share the crosses I've had to bear. And either because the fates favored me or saw me with eyes of compassion, they sent me a strong, caring and understanding man to share my life. And I have not been an easy ride - not because I am difficult - but because of the crises given. And, he, always confident and with no fear nor reservations, has never wavered. Not once. Not even flinched. This is his strength.

Slow to anger, quick to forgive, he dislikes discord but understands people make mistakes and hurt you as part and parcel of human nature. But, he likes to believe that, in the end, they might surprise you in a good way. And, if not, it makes no difference because the only thing of concern to him is his conduct in the scheme of things. If someone's hurt or disappointed him, that person will never know, for he continues treating all with the same amount of respect and kindness. He just hopes that in time they will inevitably learn of life's most sagest lessons: forgiveness and understanding. And, if he is the one who's hurt or disappointed you, then he hopes your heart will be able to forgive and understand as well. On the rare occasions he becomes angry with me, it is something that hurts me so that I become distant and my heart weeps like that of a wounded child. I cannot handle it and neither can he. And so our disagreements rarely last long. Neither of us having the will to go the distance.

Throughout our marriage he has been my one constant. I can scream and cry and curse the fates, yet he waits for me to exorcise the emotions to begin our talking sessions. He will not let these emotions be buried or passed by. He is tender in heart and my unhappiness is the one thing that disrupts his usual serene soul. Well aware that life sometimes throws curve balls where sorrow will be its byproduct, he at least wants me to know he will always be there. And he always is. And I always know.

So, yes, he has given me much. But what have I given in return? That you would have to ask him, but I can take a guess. I know I bring him peace and strength, the two things most important to him. I know this in the mere way he treats me. And I spoil him with much love and attention, a fact he will deny facetiously in front of others in his charming way of getting more and more of this crazy family's love and attention. Because we are a loving, attentive lot that spoils all that enter our circle of love. And I know, for in the privacy of our four walls, his heart still conducts itself like that of a young besotted boy.

And so 30 years today it is. And he still makes my heart skip a beat. His smile is still the thing that most melts my heart. His hands rubbing my skin when I am pensive is still the thing that brings me strength and peace of mind. With one single look, he knows where my heart is and whether it is happy or sad. And if it is sad, the talking sessions begin. He does not stop until I have exorcised what ails me and my heart sings again. For he said he fell in love with my laughter and happy spirit and it is the thing he says he still loves the most today. Without it he becomes somber, so me without these he cannot handle. He does not believe in saying I love you frequently or frivolously for he says it loses meaning; he believes in actions instead. And he shows his unconditional and sweet love every day: in the way he says amor and how that morphs into so many different meanings; in the way he calls to tell me he needs to hear my voice because he needs to talk to his "security blanket" and I hear the sadness in his voice and know he is missing me; in the way he handles my heart with such tender care and wishes never to make it weep. He is a private man who voices his love privately; he is not an ordinary man for he is full of attention and nurturing and wisdom; and, he is a trusting man who 34 years ago handed me his heart and trust that I would never hurt it. And, I never have.

Thirty-four years ago I saw a boy in school that made my heart skip a beat. Thirty-years ago I married him. And he has been my light, my heart, my strength, and my love ever since.

Happy 30th anniversary amor. And to you, my heart which you've always held in your hands and have taken good, tender care of. For this, my parents thank you; for this, our daughter learns; for this, I'll always love you.

Picture, courtesy of Deviant Art.

35 comments:

Candie Bracci(C.B.) said...

Beautiful ode à l'amour!
It's beautiful to have all this emotions and love after so many years.Have a great day.

rebecca said...

Candie,

Merci beaucoup. Comme une femme, j'ai été très heureux. Il est et toujours sera mon seul amour. Ceci était très facile à écrire, pour lui est venu d'un lieu d'amour pur.

Genie Sea said...

Absolutely, enchantingly woderful tribute to your love. It warms my heart on a bleak day.

May 30 more years pass by in bliss and harmony and exploration!

Cogratulations dear heart! :)

Thank you for sharing this :)

Leni Qinan said...

First and foremost, happy anniversary to you+husband, Rebecca. Not many people can celebrate 30 years together with this wonderfully positive balance.

This post has really touched me.

Your words are so tender and loving, that I'm sure you will celebrate many more anniversaries together, as happy and united as you are now.

((abrazos, enhorabuena y felicidades!))

rebecca said...

Genie,

Thank you sweet lady. And, I am with you...I truly hope that 30 more years of blissful harmony is given us. Fate has been very kind.

rebecca said...

Gracias Leni!

Él siempre ha sido un hombre muy especial y yo he sido una chica muy afortunada.

((abrazos amor))

CathM said...

Rebecca... what a lovely testimony and testament to the power of 'love and friendship' in marriage. I got married in July 2007 and I hope ours will be as blissful as yours has been. Thanks for sharing!

The Real Mother Hen said...

I. Am. Speechless.

Happy anniversary Rebecca. And may you two enjoy the many more anniversaries to come.

*hug*

CoyoteFe said...

Happy Anniversary, Rebecca-san!

You describe a quiet, raging epic romance, and, with you, what else could it be? The fates weaved, but you colored the strands, and are both truly blessed. I wish you decades more of light, luck, love, peace and joyful strength.

Love on!

Lori Skoog said...

Rebecca....if your husband has read this and is not touched I would be very surprised! Your words regarding your 30th anniversary and beloved flow so easily...Happiness is....

TC said...

Thirty-four years ago I saw a boy in school that made my heart skip a beat. Thirty-years ago I married him. And he has been my light, my heart, my strength, and my love ever since.

Oh that was just beautiful. The whole piece was, but that just got me.

Congratulations. You and he are an inspiration to all of us. I hope you have at least another 30 more just like these first 30 have been.

Little Red said...

That is so beautiful! Congrats to you both!

Also, thanks for visiting me this weekend. :) It cheers me that you cannot tell whether or not my writing was fiction or not. :) I've smiled over it all day. It is fiction by the way, but it would make one great story, I agree.

floreta said...

wow, this is so amazing. i hope he got to read that!! i need to keep hearing about these stories because they give me something to look forward to. :)

d gypsy! said...

Amazin...and congrats

i havent read such feelings, written so beautifully and honestly ever ..

wishing you both wonderful years ahead...

take care...

Beverly said...

Congratulations and thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts! I am always amazed at the love people share for a lifetime ~ what magic!

Jonas said...

Ah, it does my heart good to read a paean such as this!

Congratulations!

mermaid said...

I find it very healing to reflect and acknowledge everything, our own strengths/weaknesses, as well as our partner's. I realize that each are two sides of the same coin, the same soul.

Beautiful, inspiring, honest writing.

the psycho therapist said...

I don't know who you are and that doesn't matter a wink. I love the sentiment accompanying the sidebar picture entitled "I just love this". You're right, it is good to remember about the diversity of the heart's expression. Just beautiful...and deeply moving. If I stopped perusing your site there, that would have been enough.

I am a new reader. What a glorious entry. Your words about your beloved give me hope. Not so easy to sustain as the years tick by.

Thank you for this and continued grace for you in this lifetime. Truly blessed, y'are. Indeed.

~ Wendy

Lady Prism said...

Happy happy happy anniversary! Yours is a story so inspiring.

My hubz and I married very young as well, 21. We loved each other but had a hard time adjusting to the responsibilities we had to face. Thre were arguments and lots of nonsense blaming and anger we tossed each other. Such a waste of time, really. The years have thought us to accept the things we can't change about each other and so today, we are where we are, happy.

Thank yu for sharing yur story A lot of young married couples should read this. Marriage nowadays is treated so casually...just like tossing out a shirt found to have a little smudge.

Nikki said...

Hallo,

What a lovely post! I hope you have many many more beautiful years together!

This post reminds me of parents. They had a love marriage and have been married for 24 years now!

Prakhar said...

What a beautiful post!..every word perfect..luvd the way u told the entire journey..

i guess its the journey that make a destination beautiful..

wishing you another 30 (and many more) great years together :)

Genie Sea said...

Sweetheart, I just popped in again to thank you from the deepest well of my heart for your caring supportive and light-giving comment on my blog. Saying thank you seems the least I can do to express how grateful I am to know you. :)

enchantedartist said...

Oh my Rebecca!!! Thank you for this beautiful recounting of you and your beloved's story...and revealing the truth that while life ebbs and flows...true love remains...Truly, this is what makes the world go round...

My husband and I too...and high school sweethearts...married young...became parents young...and have been married almost eighteen years.

and the 18th is a very special day for me too...it is my birthday, and both my, and my husband's grandparent's anniversaries. They were married 57 and 60 years...I think you and your husband picked a very good love day...:)

xo

White Rose said...

Rebecca, I'm wiping tears from my eyes. It is so refreshing to read about a good marriage! A very Happy Anniversary to you!

Jackie said...

What a beutiful post - it melted me from the core. Congratulations to your wonderful 30 years, and I hope that you continue to grow in love. Happy Anniversary and thanks for your comments on my blog!

b said...

Happy Anniversary...perfect in every way. Those of us that fall in love young and manage to grow and return to that love for all of our lives are indeed very fortunate. Congratulations.

b

rebecca said...

CathM, Mama Hen, Fe, Lori, TC, Little Red, Floreta, dGypsy, Beverly, Jonas, Mermaid, the psycho therapist, Nikki, Prakhar, Lady Prism, Celeste, White Rose, Jackie, and Barbara ~

Thank you, thank you, thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all of your well-wishes and words of love! When I wrote this post I did not expect such a wealthy fountain of well-wishers and each time each one of you left another congratulatory or well-wishing comment, it made my heart smile. I am truly blessed and call each of you "friend."

Writing this was easy as it came from a pure and loving source, and I - we - have been very blessed indeed.

All of my love to you all ~
((hugs))
Rebecca

Joe Iriarte said...

What a fantastic tribute to your love. Congratulations!

Shelby said...

This is so very beautiful. TC led me here. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with all of us who need to recall our own blessings of soul mates.

Kristan said...

Oh wow, how beautiful. I'm crying and I don't even really know you guys! But your story is wonderful and touching and I'm so happy for y'all.

Cormac Brown said...

Happy Anniversary and here's to many, many more!

Carrie said...

Wow! I wish you another 30 years of happiness :) Yours is a relationship that is rare these days.

Happy Anniversary!

Visiting from Red Writing Hood

(Florida) Girl said...

How very touching. I hope I can be this lucky.

Stopping by from the red dress club.

Cheryl said...

Such a beautiful tribute to your husband and to your marriage. It sounds like you were lucky enough to find your soul mate at such a very young age. Viva l'amour!

The Drama Mama said...

Happy Anniversary!! Beautiful post. What a lucky girl you are!